Well Miss Karrissa Wade is shocked at some of the rude and ungracious comments in this thread.
She most certainly is upset about suggestions brought out by Shane Denmark posing as 'Merge' that the article posted on bigbonedandbossy was somehow attacking him.
The First Lady of Jacksonville does not attack the poor, the virtuous or total strangers, and she does not know Mr. Denmark, and could not identify him on the streets if she tried. She has nothing bad to say about him, nor does she have anything bad to say about anyone who has ever worked on the Pride Committee.
She knows that God knows his own, and does not need the help of Miss Wade to judge mankind. She will stand aside and let her Father do his Business.
Miss Wade is also concerned that some in our community have characterized her as 1. Bitter, 2. Mean. 3. Bitchy. 4. A Drag Queen.
She is not a Drag Queen. She is a performer. She has no comment on the first three.
However, the failures of the Pride Committee cannot be pinned so easily on her hair or disposition, no matter how fabulous a wig she might be wearing, While Miss Wade might posess a pair of shoes capable of ending western civilization, she is saving them for a special occasion and they have not been brought out of the box yet.
Therefore she cannot understand why her name has been dragged around town as a contributing factor to the hot water that some people feel they are in over the cancellation of this years Pride Events, or the mystery surrounding the accounting for thousands of dollars of money.
It is not, after all, Miss Wade's money.
It belonged to the entire Community. When Miss Wade needs thousands of dollars, she hangs out in hospitals and waits for older doctors to happen by.
What Miss Wade does care about, and she cares deeply about it, is World Peace, the healing power of love, and a well designed float for her to preside over during the Pride Parade.
Miss Wade is saddened by the obvious effort and the cruelty which has been shown on the part of the entire world to make so many victims out of gay pride volunteers and employees.
As a longtime volunteer in this community for many years, she is only glad that somehow she was spared these feelings of victimization. She has seen her share of donations and volunteered performances, she has carried the costs of many shows and travel expenses, she has helped out with patronage and money and love and care, and most of all a glad heart.
And the good Lord has blessed her. He has filled her heart with the natural gladness that comes with knowing that you have done something for your fellow soldiers. No thanks were necessary, no payment required. No pats on the back, even if they were a little lower. She has always been glad to give her time and her love to the people that have supported and loved her back all of these years.
So she hopes that people know how sad she is that some people have been burdened rather than lightened by their service, and she condemns this terrible fact. Condemns!
No glad and thoughtful servant should be so abused that they come to hate everyone in their own community.
This is a time for healing.
She hopes that everyone on this site will take a moment and project pure rays of love at the Pride Community. She hopes that everyone will join her in a prayer that the mysteriously missing money will be found, that the legal troubles will be over, and that God will bless us all as we celebrate PrideFest 2009, next year, in 2010.
We just need to come together, and move on as one big happy family. As always Miss Wade is ready and waiting to give of her time and effort. But more importantly, of her love and prayers.
We deserve better. And if we can all just take a little responsibility (and hire an accountant) we will have better.
Karrissa Wade The First Lady of Jacksonville August 6th, 2009.
Lord knows, It never rains, but it pours. Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, two of Jacksonville's celebrity aquatic mammals are celebrating Wet and Slippery Birthdays.
Together.
Lauren, the semi mythical Metro Bartender and Gravity Defying Rhiannon (seen frequently wandering onstage at InCahoots) will be throwing a 'kick off' event for Gay Pride.
Miss Karrissa Wade originally thought this was a "kick the bucket" event and went out and bought a beautiful and tasty black dress for the event.
On finding out that these two were still alive and well however, she will still wear her ensemble as planned. For their lost youth, of course.
The Boat boards at 5:30 (and both of these bitches will be personally boarded shortly thereafter---that is if the boat is wheelchair accessible)
Tickets are $20, headline entertainment will be provided by Miss Karrissa Wade, (The young and attractive one), Rhiannon, and the recently released Blossom O'Toole.
Flowers can be sent via the usual florists. And all donations can be paid directly (IN CASH) to Karrissa Wade.
Yet another reason why it is a bad idea to choose your plastic surgeon from Craigslist.
Tragedy struck the Metro this past week, as notorious pretty boy, David Tibbs went under the knife for a little 'reconstructive' surgery.
After years of wearing a prosthetic chin, made of chinchilla scrap fur and a little parafin house wax (as seen on Martha Stewart's short lived "How I Learned to Love Prison" series) David Tibbs was able to save enough non recreational tip money to consider plastic surgery.
Sadly, the craigslist culture that has seemingly permeated every aspect of Riverside gay life has struck again, this time with tragic results.
In a week that has already seen reputable tranny butchers like Donnie Hendrix (aka Viva) face arrest and disgrace on the cover of the Muggle daily paper, Miss Karrissa Wade would have assumed people would show more caution. http://www.flogfolioweekly.com/?p=711
Everything seemed to be going well, until David's credit card was declined mid procedure on the Laundro Mat processing machine.
Although the 'Dr" expressed shock and regret at the outcome, he points out that for 29.99 it was an amazing job. "And I gave him a price break, because all he had was 27.88 in cash"
For now, Davids runway modelling career appears to be "on hold". This is an especially bitter pill, in light of his recent rejection as an underwear model.
Cash Donations for Davids (And By "Cash" we mean, NO CHECKS OR CREDIT CARDS) can be sent directly to The First Lady of Jacksonville, Miss Karrissa Wade.
Scandal rocks tight knit christian community as Miss Big Boned and Bossy is escorted out of Metro for chasing Miss Wade and Crazy Caroll Todd with a cane and a broken Ensure bottle.
The Ruckus came about as a result of the interruption of Miss Blossom O'toole in the very act of sexual congress (to borrow a term from the vice cops).
While Miss Wade has heard of a website called Granny Likes it In the Fanny, she is appalled to learn that her long time friend and reform school protege, Miss Blossom Otoole is the inspiration for this vile and stomach churning website.
Sources close to the event say that Caroll and Karrissa, minding their own business, stumbled into the bathroom only to notice that the door to the only stall was not only occupied but also locked.
As this is widely known to be Carroll Todds primary business address, (and some infer a second residence) Miss Todd began wildly beating on the door (According to this scarlett woman, she only uses the stall to read and pray. Most other people only agree that she spends a lot of time on her knees while there.) Miss Wade had a sudden chilling revelation when she noticed two separate sets of feet in the single stall.
Since multiple excretion events are clearly against bar policy, she demurely warned the two that they were violating the house rules.
Miss Todd remembers it differently. "Karrissa lost her mind. She was so desperate for something to happen that she ran to the entrance and began screaming 'SECURITY!!! SECURITY"
Miss Wade was as shocked as anyone when the stall door burst opened, almost dislodging the door from its hinges and who should sally forth with her knickers around her cankles, but none other than the newly crowned Miss Big Boned and Bossy.
She quickly rethought the situation.
Miss Todd clarifies: "That bitch is terrified of scandal being associated with that aluminum crown or her tawdry website. Little Miss Goody Two Shoes knows where her bread is buttered."
(Miss Wade brushes off all such comments as lingering effects of the terrible gorilla attack detailed here on Big Boned and Bossy.)
There was almost not enough time to identify the strangely willing coparticipant in this outrage. (Miss Wade simply assumes blindness and a non functioning sense of smell) Sources however, say that it was one of three people:
Mark Spinning Steve Harper or "Sue Ellen"
Sources close to Blossom confirmed that it was notorious Altanta desperado 'Sue Ellen" on condition of anonymity, for which Miss Wade thanks Miss Todd.
The details were lost because of what happened next.
With a growl of animal rage (rivalling the gorilla screams of the earlier incident) Blossom launched into a stream of Profanity and violence that was quite unbecoming for the seedy bathroom of a gay bar in riverside.
Then she broke a bottle of Ensure that had dropped out of her granny diapers, and screamed "Ill Kill YOU, YOU BITCH! Thats the FIRST TIME IVE BEEN LAID IN 40 YEARS!"
Then, spittle flying from her newly acquired teeth, she began chasing the electrified Miss Todd around the bar.
Security intervened by trapping Blossom with a trash can.
Miss Wade has informed authorities of her intent to have a hearing into the legitimacy of O'tooles crown.
Jacksonville's First Lady, the savvy and incisive Miss Karrissa Wade has been deluged recently with the fairly shocking and deplorable news that Jacksonville's Annual Pride Parade has not only been cancelled, but that there are lingering questions as to why.
Lets start with the propaganda and half truths and work our way up to the outright lies and jaw dropping details:
First there is the legendary state of the Finances of the official committee which Jacksonville's gay community has entrusted with handling its non profit affairs, its newspaper, and the Pride Festival itself.
Despite heavy underwriting and generous donations given by many individuals, bars, and organizations over the past three years apparently the organization is penniless.
How could this be, Miss Wade is constantly asked. How could this possibly be?
Then there is the deteriorating quality for three years running of the two major projects which the Pride Committee is supposed to be handling. The gay newspaper, and the Pride Festival.
Gay newspapers around the country serve as the advocates and voice for the gay communities that they serve. We may have come a long way Baby, but we ain't there yet. And Jacksonville is still one of the most homodenying and homophobic cities in the nation. There is a real role that should be filled by our newspaper. Our issues are real and they are ignored by the mainstream media.
For example, where was our advocate newspaper when all of the gay bars were being raided and shut down this past year?
Miss Wade fails to remember them being anywhere except in the bars sipping cocktails.
When sailors were being discharged for their orientations at both NAS and Mayport, where was our paper demanding justice?
Another of Miss Wades Tea acquaintances points out that there hasnt even been an issue of the paper in a while.
Miss Wade wishes that she knew this for a fact, but it was invisible for so long, that she really can't tell for sure.
So much, thinks Miss Wade, for the first half of the two important things that our Pride Committee promised all of us that they would do.
Now for the Pride Festival itself.
When one thinks of Pride Festivals, one immediately thinks of the most important feature in all parades everywhere: The Parade.
Parades let every one of us participate. It is the one way that we get to go out, be visible, be ourselves in public, and show the rest of the world the joy and the pride that is a part of our community.
Parades everywhere, that is, except Jacksonville this year.
Instead, for the previous 10 years, we have had a picnic. Or, when the organization was working at its height, a Major Three Day Event at the Beaches.
How difficult can it be to organize gays into a big showy parade? Or even how expensive? Miss Wade has seen enough gay men and women line up and cut the fool to staff the Macy Thanksgiving Day Parade whenever they announce free shots at the bar, so she is not going to be trifled with on this question.
You could cause a small riot just by pointing a couple of the queens at Incahoots and telling them Zac Efron was just seen in the parking lot.
Instead. Jacksonville, with its population of a million plus has barely been able to afford a picnic in the gayest park in Florida.
Last year, the entire Pride Festival had to happen inside the Bars and Nightclubs. That is because there wasnt enough money to sponsor events where there might be a cost in the rentals.
There was a parade, thank god. But that was because of the clubs and organizations stepping up at the last minute and donating their time and energy.
Oh? Miss Wade hears? There are gasps in the online audience? She remembers that no one really knew what happened last year.
At the last minute, with barely enough time to pull it together the Bar Owners and a few generous individuals were thunderstruck to find that there werent finances or planning in place for the festival and they had to put it together themselves.
So here we are this year, and now we are told that there will not even be a Pride Festival.
This comes with no notice at all, and no time to put anything together.
The Bars are having to sponsor their own events, and their own celebrations. At the last minute they have been able to pool their time and money to sponsor the Memorial Picnic.
Miss Wade doesn't normally dish out more credit than abuse, but she feels her faithful readers will forgive her by naming the people and organizations who managed to pull this off:
Metro Incahoots AJs BootRack Bo's Coral Reef and HandyMan To Go.
Without them, there would have been nothing at all.
But where is the money that has been collected by the "Pride" Committee?
One of the Bar Owners sent an inquiry email to find out what happened to all the cash that had been contributed earlier this year:
From: (redacted) Sent: Friday, July 10, 2009 6:05 PM To: a.solomon@mergejacksonville.com Subject: Re: 2009 First Coast Pride Events Cancelled
What about all the money that was raised this year with the agreement that there would be a parade. The bars still want a parade even if we can't afford the main event.
The records for this organization are public record? Correct??
So can you please send me a copy of the funds raised and money spent so we can see what's going on. The bars will be meeting next week to figure out the next step and these records are neeeded. Thanks
(Redacted)
They recieved a curious response:
From: a.solomon Subject: RE: 2009 First Coast Pride Events Cancelled To:( redacted) Date: Monday, July 13, 2009, 2:32 PM
July 13, 2009
Thank you for your most recent e-mail inquiry regarding the cancellation of the 2009 First Coast Pride event(s). It is truly unfortunate that both businesses and residents of the First Coast will have to forfeit the production of Northeast Florida’s largest pride festival activities.
All sponsors and vendors of the 2009 First Coast Pride Festival are refunded directly. Any and all individual donations made to Merge Jacksonville, Inc. are unrestricted donations to the organization and are tax deductible; however, they are not refundable.
Contributions made to Merge Jacksonville, Inc. between November 1, 2008 and October 31, 2009 will be reflected in our 2010 annual report. This report will be made available in April 2010.
In order to ensure the 2010 event(s), it will be necessary to secure sponsorship opportunities before October 31, 2009. We sincerely hope that you will consider becoming a sponsor.
Aaron Solomon Events Director Merge Jacksonville, Inc. 1-888-411-OITC ext 703
Under other circumstances, Miss Wade would be amused, if not outright envious of this response. She wishes she could be just that Gangsta.
"You gave your money, and we are keeping it. Well get with you next year with the books. (that is if you still remember it) By the way. You got some change and a smoke?"
This last part, Miss Wade thinks, is the absolute best. It takes balls to panhandle two minutes after you got caught purse snatching.
One final note: More hilarity ensues from the notice that has been posted on the Merge Website.
The 2009 Pride Festival has been postponed.
The notes say that it will take place in 2010.
Really? Really?
Will all the banners read Happy Belated 2009 during the 2010? What about the 2010 parade? Will we get to march twice to make up for this year? Or will they simply delay celebrating 2010 until 2011?
Is there a possibility that President Palin will be elected while the Jacksonville Gay Community is still in 2011?
The mind fairly explodes.
There are a lot of unanswered questions. So far the hottest one is "Did the Pride Committee (and no one else) go Partying in Atlanta?" if so, who paid for it?
Miss Wade is going back to her boudoir to see if she can find her ass kicking boots.
She wants to make Nancy Sinatra proud.
If this keeps up, she will make Sigourney Weaver proud.
The First Lady of Jax doesn't remember everything that happened next.
"I was trapped in the car, in fear for my life, with a gun pointed at my head, thinking each devotional prayer would be my last. I worried about the Children most of all.....Who would read if I was killed by these terrible desperados?
Also world peace."
The gruff, almost croaking toadlike voice of the gunman belched out: Just Drive to The Metro, Bitch!"
"Now I have been aware of the location of this den of Iniquity for some time, through my work with the homeless and destitute, so I had a pretty good idea what was in store, but in my most fevered nightmares, I never suspected the awful truth.
First of all, it was quickly apparent that it was a club for The Gays.
"One false move, and Ill blow your do goody ass straight to Jeebus." I was told by that terrible Wilhelmina woman. Were going to a titty show in the back, and if you act out, you are one dead Christian Soldier."
I clutched my 32 carat cross and began praying for his soul.
I fell in the hallway, and the painted catamites all began to laugh at me.
Look at her! They pointed and mocked. Such was their disrespect for a child of the Living God.
One of my kidnappers, the one known as 'Blossom', I believe poured something in my mouth that burned like liquid fire.
"Drink THIS!" The creature belched.
I began choking and protesting, but she simply pinched my jawline and forced my mouth open.
"Drink it you bitch! Drink it till the girls get pretty!"
Staggering, I was dragged to my feet and my two abductors, (who I now realize were sinfully drunk) pushed me through a dark blue curtain and put me in a seat.
By now, I was beginning to feel the effects of the medication they had forced me drink, and I asked for more. To kill the pain.
After almost a full bottle of the tonic, I must have been delirious because I felt almost grateful to the squalid, pug nozed gremlin in a dress for nursing my injury in the fall.
Suddenly the lights came on, and some of the manliest women I have ever seen filed out onto the center floor.
These must be the flesh peddlers I realized.
My eyes locked with one of them, and I couldn't help looking down at her strangely shaped torso and then down at her wooly legs and enormous feet.
Is she a Yeti, I asked?
Blossom chimed in:
If you think these Thursday bitches are ugly, you should have seen the Wednesday girls. One of them does a bathroom sex show at the other bar.
Yet Another shocking simian attack has taken place, this time in Jacksonville Florida.
local christian enthusiast Nichole Woods was brutally mauled this past week after mistaking a gorrilla for Bea Arthur and singing the theme song for Maude.
She almost got through the entire song and was finishing up the final chorus:
And then there’s that old compromisin’, enterprisin’, anything but tranquilizin', Right on Maude! when she tragically went to embrace the gorilla (Whose actual name at the Zoo is "Crazy C") when catastrophe struck. In the gorrilla's defense, behavioral scientists claim that he was additionally provoked by the flashes of lights from unsuspecting nicholes sparkling rhinestones pasties. (Miss Wood had just finished a charity children's story reading at the School for The Blind, Deaf and Dumb as she does every Sunday evening as part of her community service agreement)
Horrified onlookers watched as the beast sank its fangs into her arms and the deaf and dumb children began frantically Signing for help!
Karrissa Wade, who happens to be a legitimate volunteer at the Children's Hospital walked into the scene of carnage. Nichole Wood was being pummeled within an inch of death itself screaming "Rosebud!" while the gorilla was busy mangling her taffylike breasts in an apparent attempt to rip them out by their roots.
With admirable presence of mind, Miss Wade cajoled "Crazy C".
"Someone's got a bourbon and coke waiting for them, ....I think I know who neeeeds one! Who wants to be a good gorilla and get a boutbon and coke?"
"Crazy C" charged Miss Karrissa Wade and urinated in a nearby garbage pail, then began pointing its chubby fingers at the victim. The gorilla, trained in signing at the institute began furiously signalling "No One Will Believe You!"
Miss Wade was able to lead the assailant from the scene.
A once glittering tranny, whose fading star is almost lost to view was recently busted in a drunken sex stall scandal at a local club for the gays.
When asked why she was in the Wide Stance position in a stall, with a 'helpmate' behind a locked (but not view proof) stall door, the native latin star sputteringly explained:
"Its no surprise that I was in the Wide Stance Stall, on account of my shoulders, she said. With a straight face. (not her own)
You might think it strange, but I often go to the bathroom for inspiration on new costumes and dance moves. Some of my best moves were originally choreographed in Truck Stop Bathrooms in fact. I don't have to explain my art to anyone."
She vehemently denies any memory of any wrongdoing and had no comment regarding the lack of any makeup remaining on her face from the nose down.
Her helpmate was not immediately identified, which leaves Miss Wade to assume that he was a Young Republican.
Miss Karrissa Wade, (the First Lady of Jacksonville) was recently made into the unwilling witness of an orgy of violence, drunkenness, questionable activities and sexual perversity which almost ended her life as well as soiling her pristine reputation.
It all began as Miss Wade was leaving the Shands Burn Trauma Center after a charity fundraiser and birthday celebration for one of the Center's young patients.
She was on her way to another fundraiser at First Baptist Church of Downtown Jacksonville to raise money and awareness for the plight of Sofia Andrews in California.
As she was entering her Bentley, she recieved a spurious phone caller who claimed that troubled siren, Sondra Todd, was in trouble at a local chinese buffet and needed to be removed. (read "dragged away from the fried chicken before she explodes")
Miss Wade rushed to the aid of her oldest and dearest living friends only to find campy crime figure, (Miss Biggestboned and Bossy herself) Blossom O'Toole.
Before she was able to make a quick U Turn, she found her vehicle boxed in by a disreputable hooptie driven by former prositute Wilhelmina Notsotight. But she had other concerns.
"I didnt realize that it was a trap at first, because my car was also being surrounded by about 25 angry employees of the chinese buffet all screaming "You EAT! You PAY!"
Since I thought I recognized Lashes, I was distracted. And then that awful Wilhelmina woman in the back seat, and Blossom O'Toole in the passenger seat mashing my gas pedal and both of them screaming "Go, you dumb Bitch! Go!!"
The Wilhelmina woman was armed so I had no choice except to punch the gas. I heard a scream and the sound of cheap flip flops hitting the pavement, and Ihad a sinking feeling that I had just driven over Lashes. Im afraid to go to her show on Friday.
End Part 1.
Local Lesbian Squadleader, Lauren from Metro is launching her perennial Queer Cruise on May 17th.
Miss Wade plans on being present at the launch, which is being billed as the worlds premier luxury line. Dubbed "Unsinkable" by experts, the ship will be departing from behind the "Chart House" restaurant on the san marco riverwalk promptly at 4:30 pm.
The First Lady of Jacksonville, Miss Karrissa Wade will be the featured entertainer, along with cameo appearances by Rhiannan and Blossom O'Toole (the newly crowned Biggest boned and Bossy, 2009) who will be assisting Miss Wade as she reigns supreme over the A-List gays, lesbos and 'others' who will be present in a supporting capacity.
In an extraordinary burst of generosity, the tickets (normally in the 25,000.00 dollar range) are being offered for only 20.00 in advance, and 25.00 on the day of.
Miss Wade has never been aboard the ship, but she has been assured that the accomodations are certainly fit for The Queen, although she wonders who has been so generous as to donate the staggering amounts of money necessary to subsidize the unbelievable low ticket price. Perhaps guests are supposed to bid at an auction later, ......she will certainly update our readers.
As with all luxury cruises there will be free dining and entertainment options, so start dieting now.
To buy tickets, simply go to The Metro or contact Lauren at 904 334 5344. (remember: While explicit sexual phone calls are always a pleasure for the unhappily married, this is not the case with Lauren. Also, she has caller ID and firearms.)
Taylor Swift, seen here without any 'slimming' photoshop effects pauses before gorging herself, pre concert at Three Layers Coffeehouse in Springfield. The landmark cafe is at the corner of what used to be Gay and Inferno in the now uppity former ghetto.
(1602 walnut street, jacksonville 32206)
Teardrops on Taylor's guitar apparently start out with cholesterol on her plate and five oclock shadow on her chin.
Miss Wade, who happened to be in the cafe when Miss Swift showed up on her harley davidson 1500, commented that Miss Swift was pretty enough to win a prize.
Trouble erupted when Miss Swift made unwarranted sexual advances on Three Layers owner, Shawn McGuire and was delivered a roundhouse to her chin by McGuire's partner, Jeff Wright.
"I love me some Taylor Swift," Wright told Miss Wade, "But some things are just ri-goddam-diculous."
After being beaten nearly senseless, Miss Swift's handlers whisked the pop diva away from the cheesecakes, but not before leaving two tickets to her concert.
Predictably, Jeff ended up having a great time at the show.
A quick picture of Temptation, who will be starring with Miss Karrissa Wade tonight at the annual Pig, Pickle and Taffy Pull, sponsored by the military veterans at InCahoots.
Afterwards there will be a Supreme Court raffle and a hot dog eating contest.
Miss Wade wonders who will be in the top five of sausage swallowers tonight.
She will with hold comment until she has photographic proof later.
The show, entitled Divas Dollies and Dudes, will begin at 10:45 and 12:45 with male and female dancers. (depending on which angle you are looking at them)
Be sure to bring condiments and contributions for the Save Sofia Andrews fund.
Using the very latest in japanese robot technology, Mattel has produced one of the most amazing plastic engineered animatronic character ever to have its ass beaten by an enraged Miss Karrissa Wade.
Called the "Shae Shae LaReese Doll", this show sizzles and the robot looks almost completely lifelike. Miss Wade was almost convinced (at first) that she was watching a real human onstage. It was only on closer inspection that she realized that nothing that beautiful could possible be real. (Well that and the antennas.)
The performance will take place at local fashion creamatorium, The Metro Nightclub on Friday and Saturday Night.
Call the club for further information, but if you like sex and good food (and cool electronics) then you won't want to miss this show!
(Also there is some kind of a show at InCahoots on Friday Night starring Temptation! And of course The First Lady of Jacksonville, Miss Karrissa Wade.----be there bitches)
In an exclusive Bigboned interview, A Jacksonville philanthropist and socialite, Scott Hartman was discussed as the victim of a performance art hate crime.
Apparently a local bartender (pictured above) was caught on video immediately after leaving local Jacksonville hot spot, Park Place just as he committed this vulgar act of revenge. Claiming to be part of the elusive "White Russian Militia" the 'bartender' tells Miss Wade.
"I had at least 18 white russians before proceeding to 616, thats when I sprung my little piece." (on an unwilling lifetime friend ---and rumored more---Scott, notes a disapproving Miss Wade.)
Scott was seen at the opening of the beaches a few days afterwards, STILL pulling dried peas from behind his ear.
We think the video speaks for itself, but the question Miss Wade has for her readers is this. Should "art' like this be perpetrated on unsuspecting art patrons?
To leave your vote for this website, simply drop by InCahoots and let Will know how much you love art.
Bigboned and Bossy received a threatening missive from Homeland Security earlier today. Apparently there was some very well guarded secrets which BB&B accidentally disclosed in an earlier posts.
The Interior Department of Drag, whose director reports directly to President Obama, sent over a couple of Jackbooted thugs to threaten Blossom O Toole at her day job (seen above---squint a little and think carol channing wig and blue eye shadow). After hours of Waterboarding, It was finally determined that she could yeild no useful information.
Immediately afterwards a similar situation unfolded at the Riverside Mansion of Miss Karissa Wade (the First Lady of Jacksonville) when two extremely mannish looking Homeland Security types showed up with immigration officials and demanded to know the whereabouts of a mysterious translation program which had been leaked into the world of Latina Drag.
They were given a copy of Rosetta Stone and lessons in how to mouth the word "Watermelon" to any song.
Miss Wade wants her devoted followers to know that she will not be terrorized by the likes of these thugs and will continue to post the Truth (and even the half truths) with the same award winning journalistic integrity that has made this site the favorite reading of Sarah Palin.
Swine Flu Hysteria has hit the streets of Jacksonville (spelled "yaksunvile" by a local 'sammich' lovin' gal on craigslist)
Noted Humanitarian and Parking Lot Charity Supporter, Nichole Woods out of concern for missing hobo princess, Sofia Andrews, was able to raise enough 'charity money' to obtain a bus ticket from local bar patron Rick after a three week barnburner in several parking lots outside Jacksonville area clubs.
Fearing that Miss Andrews, who was recently discovered living in a cardboard box in Sante Cruz had been exposed to swine flu, Nichole didn't hesitate.
"Honey, Ive seen some of the pigs that girl has pulled a trick or two on, and I just KNEW that time was of the essence" She told Miss Wade recently, in a BigBoned exclusive interview. "It was my Christian Duty as a friend and a sister. I love me some Sofia." she added, dabbing a tear from a cloudy eye and excusing herself to make yet another trip to the 'lavatory'.
That was apparently just before disaster struck in a small truck stop outside Tuscon.
After being in an enclosed tight space in the back of a truck that had recently crossed the border, Miss Woods was trying to raise more 'charity money' by providing light entertainment.
She started coughing. "Actually it was more like choking" said an unnamed witness.
After 11 bouts of choking from an obstruction of the throat, she finished "Fancy" to thunderous applause. And six pesos.
Then she collapsed.
The CDC refuses to confirm or deny whether or not Miss Wood has contracted the Swine Flu.
Miss Wade would offer an all expense paid trip to subway, but she fears rewarding the guilty.
In any case, no one wants to tease a big boned hungry gal, especially a pageant winner that has resorted to posting on Craigslist for "Sammiches".
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Vertical Smile's restraining order has finally been lifted and she will be making her triumphant return to the scene of her crime.
Please hide your children and wallets on the nights of May 13th, 15th and 17th, while she violates international copyright and intellectual property rights at Brittney Spears' expense.
(for people like Holly, we are talking about the unecessary apelike parroting of Miss Spears while lipsynching her lyrics.) (thats a bit of a mixed metaphor, one knows.)
But for people used to watching the latina Misses from South Florida during painful attempts to lipsynch in a language they have never spoken, this might be a welcome relief.
But that is neither here nor there. We were talking about that Spear's woman.
Oops. that Vertical Smile woman.
And her show.
When was it again? Oh yes. May 13th, 15 and 17th at InCahootz.
And Miss Wade doesnt hate this skinny, gorgeous bitch because of her adam's apple.
Remember to respect poor Nichole's privacy. It is nobody's business what she did with that 'straight' frat boy in the parking lot off of Bay Street.
Its embarrassing enough that I have to look at her every Wednesday, Friday and Sunday Nights at NKahootz (located convenient off Edison Avenue by Blue Cross Blue Shield in the Meat Packing District) knowing what those cops must have been thinking after they chased the two of them naked down the river.
So please, ladies. Don't bring the subject, its too sensitive.
Today, Big Boned and Bossy bids a sad farewell to Blossom O'Tooles remaining 9 teeth.
After a valiant battle with termites and gingivitis, they were sadly sent to that orthodontist in the sky in a ceremony that lasted almost 2 hours and took the assistance of two paleontologists and a dental assistant.
Miss Wade would like to know what happened to the motheaten tusks, as she has an idea that brontosaurus teeth are probably worth a penny or two.
If anyone can locate said teeth, Miss Wade will be glad to share the e bay auction proceeds with the lucky finder.
Happy Hunting, with love, The First Lady.
(PS. I hope she likes cream of chicken soup)
It has recently come to my attention, that there has appeared a saucy swedish meatball of a big boned girl on the Jacksonville scene.
Her name is unknown at the present time, but she has been known to frequent the kinds of establishments that big boned gals like best.
She has got some special Tea all brewed up for all her bigboned friends. (and their little dogs too)
In this blog (or whatever the google is calling it these days) we shall be not only serving hot, painful tea, but we will be dishing up some very interesting dishes for your pleasure and later regurgitation.
Please accept our apologies if you are too damn stupid to get either the point or the humor.
We sure wish that you have a nice stay here on Big Boned.
We know we will be talking about you sooner or later.
The World's Most Authoritative Site Online about Cabaret and Drag Performances.
Nominated 14 times for Best Drag Blog by the Prestigious Cher Foundation, and 3 time recipient of the Peaonanybody Award.
The First Lady of Jacksonville.
And Former Miss Galactic Drag
Places that Miss Wade Hopes her Reader's Can Visit With a Clear Conscience.
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