Miss Karrissa Wade, (the First Lady of Jacksonville) was recently made into the unwilling witness of an orgy of violence, drunkenness, questionable activities and sexual perversity which almost ended her life as well as soiling her pristine reputation.
It all began as Miss Wade was leaving the Shands Burn Trauma Center after a charity fundraiser and birthday celebration for one of the Center's young patients.
She was on her way to another fundraiser at First Baptist Church of Downtown Jacksonville to raise money and awareness for the plight of Sofia Andrews in California.
As she was entering her Bentley, she recieved a spurious phone caller who claimed that troubled siren, Sondra Todd, was in trouble at a local chinese buffet and needed to be removed. (read "dragged away from the fried chicken before she explodes")
Miss Wade rushed to the aid of her oldest and dearest living friends only to find campy crime figure, (Miss Biggestboned and Bossy herself) Blossom O'Toole.
Before she was able to make a quick U Turn, she found her vehicle boxed in by a disreputable hooptie driven by former prositute Wilhelmina Notsotight. But she had other concerns.
"I didnt realize that it was a trap at first, because my car was also being surrounded by about 25 angry employees of the chinese buffet all screaming "You EAT! You PAY!"
Since I thought I recognized Lashes, I was distracted. And then that awful Wilhelmina woman in the back seat, and Blossom O'Toole in the passenger seat mashing my gas pedal and both of them screaming "Go, you dumb Bitch! Go!!"
The Wilhelmina woman was armed so I had no choice except to punch the gas. I heard a scream and the sound of cheap flip flops hitting the pavement, and Ihad a sinking feeling that I had just driven over Lashes. Im afraid to go to her show on Friday.
End Part 1.
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