Miss Wade Sold Into Hamburger Charity Slavery

Now anyone who knows The First Lady of Jacksonville, knows that she hesitates before indulging in even the mildest form of swearing.  Strong language is the tool of a weak mind after all, but Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!  Miss Wade regrets to exclaim and inform her reading public that there is Human trafficking at Hamburger Marys!

Your fragile chanteuse wouldn't have believed it, if she hadn't seen it with her own eyes.

Surely there cannot be a living person in Jacksonville who is unaware that Miss Wade is a tireless advocate for Civil Rights. For the record, she even thinks that women should vote. So one can imagine my dismay upon hearing this torrid, horrid rumor.  Since I do not like to simply believe the worst unless I have a personal foundation for known,  I had to go down and see this travesty myself---over the years, the habits of being the good Christian woman have become more pronounced, I am happy to inform. (Miss Todd, I am looking directly in your direction)

Sure enough, there were hordes of young people lined up like Daniel and Shadrak Mishak and Abednigo (its a scriptural reference to the book of Daniel that she feels should need no further explanation to bible believers) to be fed the the fat of the land (straight from the altars of Ba'al) like cows to the slaughter.

Much to my surprise and horror, I cannot even describe the bevy of boys and girls, ------some of Jacksonville's most brilliant and eligible.  In bondage.  To sin. They were being sold off at auction.  Shameless!

Miss Wade was stung to action.

"Tell Pharaoh! Let my people go!" I exclaimed and physically liberated one particular fine young thoroughbred who needed saving. (And who better for the task, one asks, than Miss Wade). There was a mighty battle as I wrestled the young Spartan off of the auction block and dragged the brainwashed young victim to a nearby room.  One dark enough for him to be able to perform an act of contrition without shame.  After I convinced him to get down on his knees, he opened his heart and mouth for nothing short of a revelation.

Imagine Miss Wade's surprise when (struggling) he explained the nature of his sins.

You may envision the discomfort of The First Lady upon realization of her mistake.

There was nothing to do except knock the young man unconscious and hope that he would develop amnesia.

Apparently the seemingly criminal proceeding was not a slave auction at all-----at least not openly.  The 'promoters' claim that is is merely a 'fund raiser' for Jacksonville's most needy charities.

Shamefully, the most beautiful young Bachelors and Bachlorette in Jacksonville's Gay, Lesbian and otherwise lettered community are being auctioned off for a date. All money raised will go to each charity.

Shameful.

Miss Wade took pity for the fine young stallion.  She scrambled. Actually scrambled through her very best church purse to see if she could pay the sinners price for him and save him from the clutches of the sinful bidders on his virtue.

Alas, all she could find was an EBT card, a coupon for Golden Corral, and some anti fungal cream.

But she was committed to blowi saving the handsome and pitiable young boy she had so recently rescued.  Try as she might, she was unable to interest the pawns of Beelzebub in her coupons to the delicious buffet to be found at The Golden Corral.  And was forced to make a devil's bargain.

They demanded instead that to Miss Wade lend her fund raising skills to the auction as hostess and MC.

What a quandary.  What a damned quandary.

With trembling fingers, she signed (in blood) on the dotted line of the infernal contract.  She had no other choice.  Perhaps she should have read the finer print, however, as it clearly implies that she will be forced to auction Herself off---if funds are raised quickly and bountifully enough.

Heavens!  Merciful Heavens!  As her readers know, Miss Wade's "raising" skills are legendary. Her many years as deacon's wife for Oral worship of the Christ on a Cross Epiphany Holy Evangelical Church of the Saints and Apostles have given her all kinds of experience..

She is known world-wide for her strange tongues and and her handling of many snakes in all shapes and sizes.  In fact there isnt a variety of snake that the First Lady hasnt had reason to handle--- from Asian to Anaconda.

All of that experience will be put roundly to the test.  It will have to save her from the shameful position she is in.  And so will you, gentle reader.  You will have to save her.

So come out this Sunday and see the Lawd work in mysterious ways.

Starts sharply at 8 pm Hamburger Mary's. Love offering to be given to Miss Wade at beginning of event. Come be blessed and anointed by and for Miss Wade!