They've got drag in Arkansas????? Lord have mercy!

Fenix Horizon debuted at Metro Thursday night. This sticks out for the First Lady of Jacksonville, for one reason only: This queen is from Arkansas. Home of no virgins (Since at least the Civil War, Arkansas families have one rock solid philosophy: "if it ain't good enough for our family, taint good enough for yours.) Now, Miss Wade has seen many unexplainable things (Sarah Palin, your wig is calling) but who knew they had cross dressers in Arkansas? After seeing the performance, Miss Wade is working on a theory that this little queen was able to escape detection because of her unusual size and shape. On her way to the dressing room, she was shocked to hear a vulgar voice croak: "Bitch need to eat something though". The First Lady thought this a bit crude until she saw the Fenix woman, who resembles nothing so much as a tape worm in a Sally Jessie bobcut. For a moment it was alarmingly like the matrix , the little dragling would turn sideways, and then poof!

Loose gossips are claiming that the unheralded "Fenix" got in because she is involved with, (read: "fucking") someone famous (K.W)---but Miss Wade doubts that as the young slip of a girly boy didn't look like she could roger a cheerio and break it. But what can one expect from a girl from the lower classes except what she was?-----a cross between a street walker and Miss Prissy from Fog Horn Leghorn cartoons.

And The First Lady of Jacksonville doesnt want to hear any nonsense from her readers about a tendency to snobbery or judgemental assumptions: Her opinion is based on rock solid observation: After all, when Miss Wade asked "What brings you to Jacksonville?", to her dismay she was curtly informed "My house broke down in Maclenny and I need a new axle! Besides you guys don't have as many tornadoes here. (And let Miss Wade see if she can faithfully transcribe the phonetics here) "Ah lost my pink flamingas six times last year"

Looking over her ensemble, its apparent that she must also have lost her wardrobe, leaving only a pair of capris and a bad Dolly Parton wig.

The untutored little radish had the temerity to ask your Christian servant how she could get her job. As if. But, being the consumate professional, Miss Wade replied "Well, I got where I am by dropping a house on my predecessor."

Miss Wade expected a laugh, but then to her horror she realized that this was entirely the wrong thing to tell to a woman whose 'house' needed an 'axle repair', and might conceivable have the means to arrange for house and competition to be on two different street grades.

Let The First Lady give credit where credit is due. Jokes aside , Fenix was quite good on stage--- even with a broken heel (do NOT ask). She wowed the crowd while performing (Pink ) in a dashing little creation of her own,---- a vaguely form fitting tornado blown sequined blue and silver number.

Despite the rumors of jealousy over her freakishly tiny waist, (seriously unatural. If this were Gone With The Wind, then Miss Scarlett would probably have died from internal hemmorhaging from having her girdle pulled so tightly) Miss Wade loved her performance. She thought it was terribly daring of Fenis to portray Pink as a beaten crackhead. It was so convincing, that the First Lade almost swore she was doing Whitney. Embarrasingly she found herself crying out to Fenix "I love you Bobby!" I'll always love you !!!!!!", only to find that no one was laughing.

Miss Wade paused to file her claws . Putting on her best momma cares look she instead went right back into the personell closet to delve into her life.

There she learned that the shadowy Fenix was once was in the famed Boomtown's Vampire Improv, Miss Wade is fairly certain that she know the reason Fenix could hold her own on stage ---even sucking . Ok kids time to run small children over with my car. Let me sum up by saying in lypsync i'll give her a 9 but in ass kissing she got a 4 there were 4 of us back stage. Gotta give a hoe credit for recognizing!

Rumor has it Fenix is dating a local celebrity....... smart girl!!!! Triple that wardrobe! you can see her at Aj's bar and grill on Atlantic on Tuesdays. And from the buzz of metro you will definitely see her at M,etro again.

Remember if you cant say anything nice, come sit by me. and we will make them cry.

Love , "The First Lady"

the often imitated never duplicated
Miss Wade