Mother of Jefferson Davis! The
horrors I have seen will not soon be forgotten.
Miss Wade was recently asked [while out doing her missionary work for troubled wayward boys (age 17-23) for the
Missionary Evangelical Methodist church of Our Lady in Chastity Belts, Jedidiah Lutheran Ecclesiastes] if she would host a function at the historical Florida Theater.
Feeling anointed and blessed that someone had recognized her work for the Lord, she humbly accepted.
So she and Mortimer, her faithful husband of many, many year,s donned their Sunday best for a night at the theater.
Mortimer wasn't to keen on being taken away from his radio repair hobby. Miss Wade often watches him as he works on gently turning the knobs and caressing the circuits. Hard not to fondly reminisce of days gone by...
Finally Miss Wade had arrived at the majestic Florida Theater.
She found Vincent, who is apparently their Maitre'd, who took her to her dressing area and explained she would be addressing the crowd and introducing a production called Rocky Horror Show.
Miss Wade had to quickly explain I had never seen this theater show, which appeared to have been made with questionable quality.
However , being a lady of the stage and numerous revivals I was quite sure I could handle the task.
Who knew the horrors her eyes would see!?!?
After being introduced, Miss Wade stepped onstage to a roaring crowd.
According the the bellhop, Vincent, it was filled almost to capacity and even more were coming in.
Miss Wade (who started reading from a cheat sheet that listed who was in the movie year first shown 1975 ). was astounded, when--- from the back of the room she clearly heard "
bring on the virgins" .
Her Christian ears must be deceiving her, she thought..
Then the crowd started screaming Virgins! Virgins!
Was this a movie about Communion and the Virgin Mary?
Alas no, as became horribly clear, once the house lights went up .
What Miss Wade was forced to watch, nearly frozen in fear, missing not a single detail--- was out the very gates of Hell.
Women in their unmentionables. Miss Wade clutched her pearls, "the devil is alive" she could hear repeating in her head, no doubt a Word of Knowledge.
But, Children of Christ, that was not all .
There were men….
Men!.. in women's clothing!
Sodomites apparently. Sodomites every where.
Before Miss Wade could react she was swarmed on stage, She grabbed her Chanel number 5 and started spraying profusely---turning it (through the power of the holy spirit) into a three hundred dollar bottle of holy water in order to rebuke this satanic hoard .
The stage was filled with lust crazed women and men.
Some of whom Miss Wade wasn't sure could be called which.
Were they going to sacrifice these sin filled heathens?
The fact that the Theatre itself was in cahoots with these satan worshipers was made clear when Balloons were brought on stage and sex acts were simulated.
Miss wade fainted right there. When she came to, there was a a man on stage in garters and hose inviting people to do something called the "time warp ".
Well surely she had been warped to the time of Armageddon. Where was Mortimer?
As the demonically inspired horde started in their unseemly gyrating, Miss Wade was doomed to yet another revelation, in a Night of Revelations. (beginning about chapter 20)
There was Mortimer in Miss Wade's best under garments prancing around .You could see everything even his tallywhacker .
Oh all that is holy! Miss Wade must have come under Demonic Oppression herself is all she can think of.
Miss Wade revived back to consciousness on Adams street in nothing but a bra and panties.
And a party hat.
Some man in a corset and stockings was wearing her pearls.
Oh lord, Miss Wade remembers thinking:
"It's Mortimer!"
Pray for this city!
Rocky horror has single handily tore the moral fiber (and apparently the hymen of several young women who Miss Wade will discretely refrain from mentioning, Miss Todd) completely asunder.
Mortimer is now in the Go Straight for Jesus program being de-homosexualized.
Pray for Miss Wade, gentle readers.
In her fragile state, she was being ogled and eye raped.
This never would have happened if George W was still in office.
Thanks Obama.
US State Attorney General Pam Bondi has said once again she will fight for the sanctity of marriage. Though Pam Bondi herself is working on her third strike at marriage. She assures us allowing gays to marry would destroy the sanctity of marriage. Rumors have been flying the past few weeks that Pam Bondi herself might be a Lesbian. Could this be? Could the woman fighting so diligently to keep so many happy gay couples unwed actually be a closeted lesbian? This would make sense to why a seemingly semi intelligent woman would close her eyes and ears to the people she represents. Her wardrobe would give a light hint of yes. I mean those sensible shoes, the horrible hair cut, and the make up skills of a Ebola monkey. They just scream certified card carrying member of the Home Depot Coalition. Is it possible she's doing a reverse Ann Heche? Is she acting? Pretending to be something she is not? Rumors over the last couple weeks have been flying around of Pam Bondi being seen several places with a close friend of the same sex. Who is this person? Sordid mistress or close colleague? question I for one want to know . I called the local republican party conveniently at 3730 beach Blvd. 904-396-4233 at first I was hung up on. my second call was transferred to a young woman and was told no comment. What lurks behind this veil of secrecy? Join me next week as I search into city council woman Kimberly Daniels politician or chucabrah ? 
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